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Accidenta Annirversary
Apr 17, 2015

We are about to enter our fourth year into the lifestyle. And as much as
we would love to say that it has been three years of smooth sailing
with tons of debaucherous fun, we are like most loving progressive
swingers in that it is just as rocky as a monogamous relationship. Yes, I
compared us to the breeders. All relationships have their ups and
downs. Monogamous couples have issues, too.
I remember the dark ages when my lovely wife and I would fight over just
about everything. It wasn't because we weren't compatible or didn't
love each other. We are just two completely different people. I am very
logical and can push "feelings" so far back that they can often be very
hard to find. My wife is quite the opposisite. She is very emotional and
constantly wears her heart on her sleeve. The biggest problem we had
was that we truly did not know how to communicate with each other. Small
things became big things which became almost life-changing things. Our
sex life dwindled. Our understanding of each other was almost
non-existent. For that reason we fought.
Believe it or not, though, I am glad we fought. It was the fighting that
showed we had fight left. We never stopped loving each other, we
stopped knowing each other. That was the piece of the puzzle that we
needed to find.
I am happy to say that swinging was never an answer or even an option to
help us find that puzzle piece. We happened into the lifestyle
completely on accident. We had never considered finding someone new or
cheating or even "swapping" partners. We just kept trudging along hoping
that our relationship would just fix itself with time.
In January of 2010, I was coming up on my birthday. At the time, we were
room mates with an older, gay couple who were suprisingly conservative.
Their room was directly across for ours, which made us very
uncomfortable to not only let go during sex, we were uncomfortable in
having sex at all. That was the perfect set up to accidentally become
ethically non-monogamous.
We both agreed that the living situation had really caused our sex life
to dwindle and also cause additional issues with each other. In an
attempt to bring the spark back to sexy time, I asked to go to a local
swingers club for my birthday. I can honestly say it was completely
innocent. I have always been a practical person, so I saw it as cheaper
than getting a hotel room just to have sex. It was a rather inexpensive
night to try the club($40, I believe) and it included a buffet. I
justified it as a sexy date night where we could allow the atmosphere to
turn us on and we could enjoy each other without restraint. We had not
even discussed the possibility of playing with people other than
possibly a single female for her enjoyment. Even that was beyond our
comfort level.
I was surprised when she actually agreed to let me take her. And her
reason was pretty much the same as mine. She missed being intimate with
me and being able to let go enough to truly enjoy our experience. So the
date was made. And we didn't fight about it. In fact, we started
talking about it. We actually were communicating. We anxiously were
awaiting that sexy date. The day our relationship would change.
We shared time together the week prior, going out shopping, looking for
sexy outfits for our sexy date. We hadn't even gone to the club yet and
we were already excited to do things together again. We were a little
nervous as well, although we allowed ourselves to talk about that. We
were re-discovering each other.
When the night arrived, we were even more nervous. We were so nervous
that we got ready two hours early and had to go to the mall just to walk
around to keep our minds busy. We almost backed out once or twice. We
just kept talking and calming each other until the moment we finally
walked through the door. At that instant, a switch that had been hidden
so deep within our bodies, switched on. Both of us felt safe,
comfortable and alive. We held hands like we meant it. We kissed like we
just met. And that night, we had sex like the world was about to end.
We were not swingers. We were lovers re-defining the direction we wanted
our relationship to go. We talked openly about our wants and desires
and why we had been at each others throats for the last 10 years. Why
those fights never meant we didn't love each other, just that we needed
something different than what we had. That did not mean we wanted other
people. We wanted to be who we were as individuals and finally found a
way to express that. And believe it or not, we were on the same page.
Before we left the club that night, we found ourselves extending our
membership to the club based soley on how we felt for each other at that
very moment. We did not know what we wanted from the club. We didn't
know how often we would go back. We still didn't even know if we would
use it for anything more than a sexy night out with each other.
Skipping forward two years and a lot of "communication" later, we are
just like monogamous couples, just having our ethically non-monogamous
fun. We still have to work to survive. We still have to pay bills, shop
for groceries and take out the garbage. And we still fight. It is not
the lifestyle we fight about, at least for the most part. We had those
fights and everyone who is new into the lifestyle will. Even veterans to
non-monogamy will fight. We have the same fights that monogamous
couples have.
The difference is that accidentally becoming swingers changed us for the
better. Even though the last two years had it's ups and downs, we
became closer. Our sex life has gone through the roof and we look
forward to seeing each other every day. We talk through our problems
better than we ever did in the past. We still have a ways to go for it
to be perfect, although is there really such a thing as a perfect
relationship? Above all, we know who we are as individuals and as a
couple. And the fun we have had along the way has been epic.
After 13 years together and and 3 years in the lifestyle, this is the
first time that I feel we are going in the right dirction for a healthy,
life-long lasting relationship.
Happy anniversary, Baby Girl.

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